The first is the news of a new film, titled Legend of Cain, starring Will Smith. It's the classic story from Genesis, passed down through the ages. Except they've added vampires. No, seriously, it has a "vampiric twist". As much as I am, quite infamously, not a Christian, I feel this is over the line a little bit. It's fucking ridiculous. Is this just going to be how cinema works for the next few years? If a piece of absolute shit like Twilight can spawn a series of awful but high-grossing movies, then any piece of crap can make money so long as it has vampires in? Is that the logic? Are we going to see a series of classic films and stories like the Italian Job, Pride and Prejudice,
Because seriously, if the Bible isn't safe, I sort of wonder what is. How the fuck can they add a 'vampiric' twist to the story of Cain and Abel without totally decimating the entire thing? Will Smith's movie career maybe has been more miss than hit lately, but I don't get how the fuck Bible + vampires is going to churn out anything that isn't fairly garbage.
To my second WTF for the week. Guys, do you ever see a hot woman in public. Maybe on the train, or at the office? Do you stare at her continuously, insanely wishing that you could just shove your nose up into her lady-garden and take a huge whiff of her genitals? No? Well apparently some people do, which is why Vulva Original exists, claiming to give you the "vaginal scent of a beautiful woman" in a handy vial you can put in your pocket to sniff and stir your fantasies.
In it's defence, that site does use some fantastically attractive naked women to advertise it's product, but that aside, what the hell? Seriously, someone has gone to the trouble of synthetically recreating the smell of a vagina so they can sell it to people? Does the vagina of a beautiful woman have a different aroma to that of an ugly one? And really, fucking really, since when were vaginas renowned for their fantastic aroma, or have I just been really fucking unlucky? The general advertising thing just seems to be "Here, buy this and you can carry it around, put it on your hand, and then be as creepy and sordid as you want in public view and you'll just look a bit odd doing it". The only thing I can really merit this for is that maybe it'll be to rapists what methadone is to heroin addicts. But not really. It's just a fucking bizarre and insane product and I have no idea how anyone would come up with something like that.
The final WTF for the week (actually last week, but who cares) is the fantastic site Teens Against Porn, which I will definitely be revisiting on this blog in future, because it's a fucking comedy goldmine. Even the age warning on the front page hints at the epic lulz contained inside that site.
It's probably not a secret that I, as a typical 20 year old male, quite enjoy porn. I wouldn't say I had any sort of ridiculous addiction to it, but I'd admit that I do indeed watch porn, like 99% of guys my age. I wouldn't say I necessarily support the porn industry entirely (I'm mostly into the amateur stuff, but I guess that's a bit too much information), but I also don't really get how people, specifically teenagers, would have such an aversion to it that they'd make their own site.
What's really hilarious is that when you read some of the posts, most of them are just ridiculously fanatical religious types, where the notion of any sort of sexual contact (including holding hands) is massively taboo for them, let alone full-blown sexual intercourse. Let alone filming it and then having other people watch it.
It's also hilarious from the point of view that so many of them clearly have issues with porn (especially homosexual porn it seems, presumably because it's doubly taboo and ~*~naughty~*~) and most of the threads on there are along the lines of "I watch a lot of porn I really don't want to watch this much porn and it scares me how do I watch less porn?!!? *sad face*"
If there's one single argument that's pro-porn, it would be that apparently watching porn stops you from turning into an illiterate, God-fearing retard like the majority of the users on that website. But like I said, don't look around too much on that site, because I'll be posting and critiquing highlights on here fairly regularly I imagine.
So those are my "What The Fuck"s For The Week, courtesy of Philip DeFranco, Mark Evered and Orbital's Skype chats respectively. If I end up doing a lot of these, it could be abbreviated to WTFFTW, which would be cool as it's palindromic. But it may be confused with What The Fuck For The Win, so I probably won't use it outside of the post labels.