Disclaimer: this post is mostly the work of Nicola Hastings (aka HarmoNicks), not myself (though I was involved in the lengthy conversation that led to it, and I've edited it slightly). It was actually written a few weeks ago, but we decided not to post it at the time due to various circumstances.
However, I got stopped quite persistently in the street yesterday by some Mormon people, so we've decided to post it.
It's also probably worth specifically noting this is aimed purely at those who attempt to push their faith upon other people, rather than all Christians and religious people in general.
Dear evangelical Christians and other religious groups who fervently spread their version of The Truth,
I have been back at university for two days now, and in that time I have already been approached via my door by your brethren to try and convince me to join in your talks, social events, and the Christian Union. Two fucking days! There are numerous good friends who I've yet to get around to seeing, and I've already had people at my door pressing their religious beliefs upon me. I've not even finished unpacking, and you people have already managed to annoy me.
I remember it being the same last year. And the year before. And not just for the first couple of weeks of the academic year. You guys manage to fucking keep it up the entire damn year round. From the second fucking day I get back to the end of the year when you're trying to convince me that Jesus will give me a helping hand with my revision, I will have to put up with your shit, and I am fucking sick of it.
What the hell gives you religious societies this exemption to continually attempt to persuade people to join you? There's a freshers fair for you to make your existence known, and it'd seem that most societies deem that adequate. Except for the religious ones apparently. You guys have to keep reminding people you exist, keep pushing people into joining you, continually pestering and irritating people to make your cause known.
There are specific noticeboards for people to advertise societies and events, and it's good that you guys use them, but again, why the fuck do you have exemptions that other societies don't have? Most groups just place a poster on the noticeboard and they're done with it. You guys don't. You guys insist on putting your posters fucking everywhere. Every doorway, every single fucking free space around college that it looks a poster might be able to exist. I've even had leaflets for stuff pushed under my door before now. Oh really? There's a talk going on next weekend? I hadn't noticed on the five other fucking posters that I'd seen going through the halls on the way to my room, so I guess it's really good that you took the time to shove something under my door as well.
You don't get the same pressure from other societies. I don't have people from the college netball team personally knocking on my door asking me to come join in the practice they're having tomorrow afternoon. I don't see posters changing weekly up on doors everywhere to remind me of the events going on with the main student union, and if anyone had things worth attending and had the licence to advertise them everywhere, I guess it would be them. I get more fucking spam and shit thrown at me from the fucking Christian societies than I do from societies I'm actually registered on the mailing list for.
What pisses me off most about all of this is the fucking cynicism involved in this sort of shit. This is a university. Almost all the students are 18 or older, and the vast majority have lived in the UK, so in a predominantly Christian environment, for our entire lives. Most of us have been through an education system where we were taught RE, probably quite a few that involved going to church once or twice each turn as well. I'm not fresh off a boat from the Amazon rainforest or some backwater part of Africa and I've never fucking heard of Jesus before (though even if I was from those places, I'd still most likely have heard because you bastards so emphatically send missionaries over there). You can fuck right off with your "spreading the word of Jesus" bullshit, because I've already fucking heard it before and I totally don't need to hear it again.
If I was a Christian who was interested in that sort of thing, then I'd have found out about the CU at the freshers fair, and that'd be the end of it. I'd presumably know about the events directly through the union therefore making the posters unnecessary, unless you guys are genuinely so fucking retarded and backwards that you don't have a mailing list set up, and all these posters are actually the only fucking way you guys have of notifying your members about events. The fact is, if I wanted to hear or know whatever the fuck you're trying to tell me, then I already would. I'm 21, I'm British, I'm at a top-class university and therefore it's at least fairly likely I'm not a complete ignoramus, and the general conclusion from that should be that I've heard it all before, and that I've made up my mind and I don't need to fucking hear it again and again.
I saw a bus in Manchester the other day with an advertisement on it for the website www.makejesusfamous.org.uk and I actually laughed. Seriously, Jesus isn't famous? Really? Are you shitting me? He's the main protagonist for the entire second fucking half of the best-selling book of all time (and the first half builds up to him a fair bit too). His fucking name is a well-used expression for general amazement/shock/dismay/etc. And you're saying he apparently needs to be made famous? Jesus fucking Christ.
Britain isn't becoming predominantly an Atheist nation because we've not fucking heard about Jesus. It's because people have made an informed, rational decision and as a result do not believe in Christianity. The persistence of you Christian groups to push your religion down our fucking throats is not just extremely annoying, but it's also massively fucking patronising because it seems to suggest that you think the only reason we don't believe in Christianity is because we've never fucking heard of it before.
I have no problem with religious people, nor the fact that they are religious. I just really hate this seeming constant effort by groups to push their religion on people who don't want it. Believe what you fucking want to believe, but stop trying to convince everyone else that they should believe it too. Especially when you're being fucking cynical about it and targeting people when they're vulnerable, like during exams. Claiming that people should believe in Jesus because it'll help their revision, and using exam pressure as a means of converting people is just not fucking on. Same goes for targeting youth and kids just because they're more likely to believe your bullshit, especially if you make it happy-clappy enough.
I can understand the concept of finding something wonderful and want to tell people about it, but there's a fucking limit. For example, I personally think that KMFDM are an awesome band, but I don't go around trying to convince everyone I come into contact with that they should feel the same way. I don't go around in public playing their music to people. I don't go personally knocking on people's doors asking if they've heard of KMFDM and what they think about KMFDM and trying to hand out free copies of their CDs. If I know someone who I think would like them and doesn't really know of them, by all means I'll recommend them, but the rest of the time I'll accept that it's not to most people's tastes, and if it is then they'll have most likely heard of them already anyway.
Learn to accept that if your religion was that good, if it made that much sense when compared to modern society and science, if it wasn't completely batshit and implausible when subjected to rational and logical analysis, then people wouldn't need persuading into believing in it. Maybe the fact that you feel it so fucking necessary to spread the word and push your religion onto others is actually a sign that you should maybe do some self-reflection on the incredulity of what you're actually preaching.
Either way, in the mean time, how about I live my life with the beliefs I want, and you guys live with beliefs you want, and you let things be that. Drop this annoying-as-fuck campaign to make everyone and anyone prescribe to your religion and leave me the fuck alone.
As a parting shot, seeing as he's been kind enough to let me use his blog to write this as I can't be bothered getting my own, I'll use a quote:
<Rosti> There are people who have the strength and ability to cope with reality
<Rosti> and then there are those who choose religion