Sunday, 9 October 2011

Google Analytics Keywords

An alternative title for this post could easily be "completely weird shit people search for on Google". Or "I couldn't be bothered writing a proper post so here is a list of crap I'm just pasting from a website".

I use Google Analytics on this blog, which provides me with pretty details info about the people who visit, where they visit from, and all that jazz. It gives me my hit rate (which is just under 1000 hits a month for anyone who cares) and referring sites, but also really crazy in-depth shit like resolutions and browsers and even what colour settings they have (I imagine this is actually fairly useful if you're running a huge website and want to make it accessible to people on mobiles and the like). The amount of data and detail you can pull up is actually pretty staggering.

For example, I can say that in the past year 43% of people on this site were using Firefox, and 33% were using Chrome. 88% had Java support. 49% had 32-bit colour, and 48% had 24-bit.

All of this is somewhat nice to know, but not particularly great reading. On the other hand, the keywords section proves to be completely crazy. The keywords section is essentially a long list of things that people have typed into search engines and landed on my site as a result from.

The most popular search engine hits are fairly obvious and trivial. 'rostilfc', 'rosti blog', 'for great justice rosti' and all those sorts of things all obviously lead here, and apparently get searched for quite a bit (just bookmark it guys!). From there, various anime related stuff, such as 'summer wars' or somewhat obscure references I've made, such as 'approach your target and attack' or 'cambridge a14 bridge paint'. Again, for most of these I can quite easily see why they'd be searched, and why they'd happen to lead to certain pages of this blog.

The next set is mostly image related. I have a lot of images on here, most of which are fairly well labelled, so when people type things like 'atheist demotivational' into Google Images, go figure this blog is up there. One that confused me a bit was "whyyyyyyy", which apparently has brought 17 independent visits to this site, until I realised that if you type it into Google images (with that many y's) then the first image result is for an image on this blog. So having random token images in my posts generates a fair number of hits.

At this point, things break down. Things break down horribly. After searches that I can logically link to specific pages of this blog, it shifts into searches that I not only find surprising that they link here, but also somewhat unsettling that people are even searching for that thing at all.

The number one why-the-fuck-does-that-bring-people-here search phrase is 'korean internet sex'. I have no idea why this site is apparently highly ranked on Google for that shit, but it does genuinely bring up this blog as a result on the first few pages.

So, out of the 1500 phrases people have typed into Google (or, if they suck, Bing) to find this site in the last year, here are some of my favourites:

jens voigt legs
питер гриффин (apparently Peter Griffin in Russian) (search bar isn't URL bar, people)
retarded charizard
acrobat getting fucked
anime fucking a penis pictures
are you typing fucking novel?
ass shaped things
astronaut fuck when there's really nothing else to say
book how not to be a retard
cannot connect to domain because your pc is fucked
crazy teacher how to fuck
daz, i dont think i can do this much longer mate, ive got cramps
don't fucking my mind
evangelical christians are shit
fluorescent pee
funny picture of cat bitching slapping another cat
gary neville weird face
how do i make the yahoo toolbar fuck off
i told him i want sex he said me to fuck off and played game with spaceships
korean sex for apple
new plymouth arse end
scunthorpe is shit

Each of those being legitimately something that somebody has put into a search engine (the spaceships one being a personal favourite). I guess if I've learned anything, it's that I should probably tone down the profanity. Or maybe not, because apparently it's getting plenty of hits.

1 comment:

  1. So funny! :D Don't try getting less of this, try getting MORE! xD